An Unexpected Journey
No, I don’t live in a hole in the ground and I’m nothing special like a Hobbit.
That doesn’t, however, mean that our lives can’t throw us one heck of a curveball or monkeywrench from time to time and send us on a quite unexpected journey.
By now, many of you have likely heard my story. I will put a link below for those that may not be familiar but, I won’t rehash it again here.
It’s hard to believe that 3 years have passed but, I think it is finally time to move forward.
I’m finished playing the victim. I’m finished doing anything that serves me.
It is time for me to become a survivor, a victor in Jesus Christ.
Today, I want to talk about a different kind of journey.
When the Lord shines a light on your failures and sinful nature you can either take a good hard look or turn and run.
It turns out that I've done the latter for much of my life although I didn’t realize nor was I willing to acknowledge it until recently.
Many people do not like to have light shone on them and I am no different.
Most of us start our lives on various paths largely to earn an income but, sometimes to try and contribute to something more.
Ah, to be young again and see the world through different (perhaps foggier) eyes!
Naivete is a powerful thing.
We are often blinded to the realities of the world by our (worldly) ambitions.
Once upon a time, I didn’t set out to be a scientist just because it fascinated me but because I truly believed that I could contribute to something that could help many people.
Like many others who go into science, I saw huge unmet needs and thought I could make a difference with my love of science.
Of course that was before I realized what I was getting into.
You see, naivete has a way of coming around and biting us in the behind later in life.
Despite my best intentions, the scientific enterprise sucked me in. I knew fairly early on that it was likely corrupt but that didn’t matter.
As soul-sucking as it became I only dove in deeper, although I didn’t realize it then.
Unfortunately, this is why you don’t see many people who step out and speak up.
Despite their good intentions and not necessarily being bad people they still don’t want to put everything they’ve worked for on the line.
Yes, the threat of retribution is quite real. I know a thing or two about it myself.
At the end of the day though we give that threat of retribution its real sting ourselves. We are the ones who don’t like to change career paths and our pride won’t let us turn from our worldly ambitions.
If we lived for a different, higher purpose then perhaps those things wouldn’t matter so much, and even if one did get fired for speaking out it would be of little consequence.
Yes, of course, we have obligations. I have a family that I am responsible for and I share that responsibility with my wife.
I suppose it all comes down to what we need to live versus what we think we desire and we very often conflate the two.
Hopefully, you can appreciate that while a 70-inch flatscreen TV might be nice, we can survive without it.
There are other things that we do require and we must account for them.
The next question is whether we need a job with a title, a big salary, and benefits to meet those needs.
Point: Very often we overlook what we sacrifice for such a career.
It becomes a means to an end when, if we are honest with ourselves, we desire to accumulate worldly gain (wealth, material goods, success, power, etc.).
That is what I did and if I have to be brutally honest, I even couched what I put into my career under the excuse that it was what I needed to do to provide for my family.
Yet, in reality, it became all about my success and gain. I wanted to climb the ladder. I wanted power, a director-level role and beyond, an even higher salary than I already had, and more.
I worked incredibly long days to gain a promotion. I even completed a Master’s degree at a prestigious school.
In the end, none of it mattered. I was still shown the door for refusing to comply with a vaccine mandate.
I believed that God called out of that system and still do but my ego didn’t quite want to let go.
Once I realized that not just my job but my career was likely over too I became very resentful and determined to find another route to the success that I felt was unfairly taken away from me.
I told my story to all who were willing to hear and many thought I was brave for deciding not to comply and how terrible it was that I lost my career.
This resulted in my gaining a sizable following here and on social media. I’ve done somewhere in the neighborhood of 50+ interviews on podcasts, radio shows, and more.
I’m very grateful for all that support and thank God for it often.
Yet, I couldn’t let go of the pull of success. I couldn’t humble myself and take whatever job may have come my way. No, I was destined for something more regardless of who I hurt along the way.
I was the victim. And therein lies the problem.
It finally hit me that I was enjoying playing the victim and was afraid to move on because I might have to give up what I worked so hard for. I couldn’t see just how much my pride and ego had a hold over me.
Point: When God calls us, it is not our will that we must heed but His.
I believe with all my heart that I was called but instead of yielding to Him, I just turned back to myself. That didn’t work well.
It has been 3 years now but I have seemingly little to show.
Despite that, I can now see and confront what I have become and how dark this world is. Perhaps I needed to see it before I could move on.
Let me be frank though for a minute. If my religious exemption had been approved I likely wouldn’t have left that industry despite what I saw on the inside.
It had sucked me in as it has so many others and if I wouldn’t have been pushed I don’t think I would have just walked away.
I sacrificed much time, money, energy, and attention to advancing my career. There were countless days when I left before my family woke up and returned after they’d fallen asleep.
I thought that was what it took to get where I wanted to go. But that was not the life I desired regardless of my ambitions.
When we are young we think nothing can stop us. I remember that feeling in my 20s.
Then I turned my head and now I’m 45. Where did the time go? Gone like the blink of an eye.
Point: Our time here is so fleeting, it is so precious. We must protect it.
Yet, I willingly gave much of it away for my selfish desires.
This has been a hard, bitter pill to swallow but I am grateful the Lord shined his light on me.
I don’t want to play the victim anymore. I’m not concerned about worldly success and gain.
Now I know that I wasn’t freed to gain something for myself. It was so the Lord could gain something for Himself.
This is what I believe the Lord is asking of all who are called to Him. It is why He will ultimately bring us all to the testing ground, to the altar.
In a previous article, I shared why I believe COVID was one such test for many believers, including myself. You can read it at the link below.
Because of all this, I now give myself fully to Him for whatever He wills.
I humbly ask that you consider what you are being called to and whether you are willing to yourself or the Lord.
Thank you
Before I wrap this up, I want to express my gratitude and thanks to all of you who have subscribed and followed me here and in other places around the net.
I’m truly grateful for your support. Know that I’ve read every comment and that they’ve touched my heart and given me strength.
Last, I’d be remiss if I didn’t call out my wife and kids. Aside from the Lord, my family has been my rock through this. They have unwaveringly supported me and I don’t know what I’d do without them.
May God bless you all.
Let me know what you think in the discussion below.
Talk soon,
Mike
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I feel that. I wanted to be a university professor. Got the degrees and even a two-year gig at an L1 research university. DEI and the following shakedown ensured my not being considered for another position. (Note--DEI had noble ideals, but people were involved and people like power. That's why we can't have nice things.)
So, that dream was pulled away. I write for God. I write for myself. I write to learn. It would be lovely to generate an income, but that, too, is elusive. I'm not a victim. I just keep pressing on with a low-paying job as an online tutor and devoting my energies to developing as a scholar and writer for whomever wants to read for the glory of God.
Thanks, Mike. I have had a very similar journey and have had a hard time letting go. Trying to give up the anger and bitterness to just soldier ahead. It's a lonely path, and helps to hear from others who have walked it. It was worth it, even though it doesn't feel that way to me most days.